


I Can't Do This Without Him

by skyesparklez



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Cancer, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Hospitals, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Marriage, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24208084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyesparklez/pseuds/skyesparklez
Summary: Sickness can stop even the brightest stars in their tracks.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	I Can't Do This Without Him

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a warning to readers that this story deals with cancer. If that subject might bring up some uncomfortable emotions for anyone, I'd rather you take care of yourself than read.
> 
> This was my way of coping when my grandfather got cancer, and I want to share it with others.

The hallway was quiet, which was to be expected. It was late. Yuuri strode down the halls before pausing at a doorway. He took in a deep breath. He could do this. He’d done it many times before.

Entering the room, Yuuri noticed the distinct lack of smell. There was no overpowering scent of lemon or cleaning supplies as one would expect. The room was dim, making it difficult to see the man lying on the bed. Yuuri made his way over to the chair beside the bed, making sure he didn’t trip over anything lying on the floor.

Yuuri sat down. A machine was beeping quietly, connected to the man in the bed. Yuuri was too scared to look at the man in the bed, for fear that he would watch him die. The man in the bed shifted, his head turning to face Yuuri.

“Yuuri,” he called, his voice tired but joyful. “you’re back!” Yuuri looked up at him, a sad smile on his face.

“Hey Victor. Of course I’m back!” Victor chuckled. He made to sit up, but he didn’t have much strength. Yuuri stood up to help. 

“Here Victor, let me help.” Victor nodded, allowing Yuuri to prop him up with a few pillows. 

“Ah, this is embarrassing,” Victor muttered light-heartedly. Yuuri smiled softly.

“I don’t mind,” he responded. Victor made himself comfortable once more. Yuuri sat down in the chair, gripping Victor’s hand gently. Victor squeezed Yuuri’s hand with as much strength as he could muster.

Victor looked incredibly different from a year ago, when he first spoke to Yuuri in Hasetsu. His regal silver hair had disappeared, falling out chunk by chunk. His skin was a sickly pale color. Only his eyes had stayed the same, still a twinkling blue. They still had life in them.

“I still wish you would’ve competed this year,” Victor whined, throwing his best puppy dog eyes at Yuuri. 

“That wouldn’t be fair. After all, my coach wouldn’t be there with me.” Victor pouted at Yuuri’s response. 

“But I could’ve watched you on the tv! I’m sure you would’ve won.” Yuuri shook his head.

“I want to be with you. Besides, I couldn’t win without you by my side.”

They sat in silence for a moment. This was so unfair, to the both of them. Victor rubbed the ring on Yuuri’s finger, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it. His eyes filled with a certain type of determination. He grabbed Yuuri’s face, pulling it close to his. He laid his forehead on Yuuri’s.

“Marry me.” Yuuri jerked his previously closed eyes open. He placed his hands on Victor’s cheeks. 

“But I haven’t won gold yet!” Victor simply smiled, closing his eyes and rubbing his thumbs against Yuuri’s cheekbones.

“I don’t care. Marry me Yuuri, we don’t know how long-”

“Yes! I’ll marry you. Just... don’t talk like that. You’ll be fine.” Yuuri’s voice cracked at the end, his eyes squeezed shut. A single tear rolled down his cheek, which Victor gently wiped away.

“Of course, moya lyubov. Whatever you want.”

The wedding in and of itself wasn’t elaborate in any way. It didn’t even look much like a wedding, as Victor loved to grumpily point out. Yuuri always laughed at the face Victor made when he grumbled about it. Yuuri appreciated that little sense of normalcy.

Yakov and Mila were both present to sign the legal papers, though neither stayed for long. They both noticed that the two seemed to want to be alone. Victor started grumbling after they signed the papers. 

“You deserved a better wedding than this! In a hospital!” Yuuri laughed, kissing Victor’s cheek. 

“I don’t need a big fancy wedding.” Victor however, still looked put out.

“I wish I could’ve spoiled you. My proposal could’ve been better too. You deserved much better.” Yuuri shook his head, smiling.

“Really Victor, I don’t need anything. You’re enough.” Victor held Yuuri’s gaze, a smile forming on his face.

“Well then, Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, what shall we do now?” Victor asked cheekily. Yuuri smirked.

“I have an idea, dear husband of mine,” Yuuri responded before leaning in and kissing Victor.

“Yes!” Yuuri exclaimed, his eyes glued to the television screen. “He won! Look Victor, Yuri won-” Yuuri glanced at Victor. He was sleeping. A look of worry crossed over Yuuri’s face; Victor always stayed awake during skating performances. Yuuri discreetly checked his pulse: still steady. He let out a sigh of relief. He pressed a kiss to Victor’s forehead, lingering for a second.

“Mmh, what a good way to wake up,” Victor muttered sleepily. Yuuri sat down by the bed and smiled. “What’d I miss?”

“Yuri won gold,” Yuuri responded. “He beat his personal best as well.” Victor’s brow furrowed. 

“Oh. I missed Yuri’s skate.” Yuuri grabbed his hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb. 

“We can always watch it online.” Victor grimaced, trying to hide it from his husband. Yuuri noticed. “Are you okay?” Victor shook his head.

“The chemotherapy isn’t agreeing with me today, moya lyubov.” Yuuri grew concerned. 

“Do you need anything? Should I call a nurse?” Victor chuckled, though it sounded more like a wheeze.

“No, it’s just... stay with me tonight. Could you do that Yuuri?” There was something in Victor’s tone that frightened him. 

“Of course. I’ll stay Victor, you don’t need to ask.”

Victor combed his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, reveling in the soft texture. He let out a sigh; Yuuri had fallen asleep a few hours ago, clearly in a deep sleep at this point. Yuri had shown up just after Yuuri had fallen asleep. Victor had made Yuri promise to take care of his husband, despite the quiet protests of the younger boy. He had left quickly after that, his eyes filled with tears. Victor pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Yuuri’s head, tears starting to fall.

“I’m sorry Yuuri,” he whispered. “Moya lyubov. I’m so, so sorry.”

Yuuri woke up to a monotonous noise. He looked around blearily, confused as to what the noise was. Why was it making his heart race? Why was he scared? When he realized where he was, Yuuri panicked. He grabbed Victor’s hand in a death grip.

“Victor? Victor?!” Yuuri called, his tone filled with fear. He glanced around wildly for the source of the noise. His eyes landed on the heart monitor; it displayed a flat line. 

“No. No, no, no!” Yuuri shouted, his hands gripping Victor’s shoulders. A nurse entered the room, taking in the sight of a sobbing Yuuri. She gently pulled Yuuri away from the bed, guiding him out of the room. He was extremely compliant. Outside stood Yuri Plisetsky, who took one glance at Yuuri and knew.

“Yuuri...” he spoke softly, as though talking to a frightened animal. His voice was barely above a whisper. Yuuri couldn’t make himself look at the younger man. 

“He’s gone.” Those were the only words Yuuri spoke. Yuri approached the other hesitantly, unsure of what to do. Yuuri took action, pulling the skater into a bone crushing hug. Yuri immediately wrapped his arms around the crying man, allowing him to cry into his shoulder.

“I can’t do this Yuri. Not without him,” Yuuri whispered, sounding broken.

“Yes you can, and you willl,” Yuri replied, his voice shaky. He pushed Yuuri away to look into his eyes. “You’ll do it. For Victor.”


End file.
